So my journey into motherhood (or rather that really uplifting title of home duties you see on those bloody forms) began just 7 months and 6 days ago (is that allllllll?)… to me it feels like a FREAKIN LIFETIME, especially because I am certain this is just one of the many things I was put on this planet to do (sorry husbo if you are reading this… I told you I wanted lots of kids!). Before my little babe arrived I dreamed about our time together and all the amazing things I would teach him, and I too dreaded the things I had only heard or read about that I was soooo not prepared for like erm NO sleep (I truly believe until you walk in someone’s shoes you cannot come close to imagining what it is like)! So from the moment the Dr asked ‘how do you feel about having your baby today’ when she suggested I come in for an induction that afternoon at 3pm my entire. life. changed.!!
I was recently chatting with a colleague about my impending return to work at the end of June (that’s a separate blog post and topic), and she kindly reminded me that I had changed, and that I was no longer the same person and to let go of whatever was no longer serving me – heck yes to that!
How did things change for me? Well over the last 7 months and 6 days I have felt:
– sooooooo much love for my little babe (they really are the ultimate time wasters – hours and hours just staring and smooching, lots and lots of smooching)
– gratitude and respect for this amazing body that carried & birthed my son into this world
– heart booming joy every single day for the time I get to spend with him
– totally selfless and less materialistic about useless ‘stuff’ (husbo and our bank statement would say this is a win!)
– guilt, never ending guilt (guilt for enjoying this time off, guilt for not being back at work, guilt for wanting to practice self love, guilt for the pressure placed on the husbo)
– constant fluctuating emotional states (think happy, elated, sad, flat, in love, angry all within the space of a few minutes haha)
– empowered and like I have been awaken (birthing a baby into this world is the most truly truly amazing experience)
– an incredible sense of protection which comes with intense amounts of anxiety (I had NO idea)
– anxiety like I have never ever experienced before
– the need to prioritise self love so I can ensure my cup is full enough to give to my son (poor old husbo is often neglected)
– pull towards relationships full of connection and equilibrium
– tiredness like no other yet the amazing ability to just keep functioning
– desire to follow my dreams, and
– (last but not least) a deep rooted fear of dying (am working through this currently.
How do I manage all these new feelings? I embrace them, feel them in full force with lots of deep breaths then let them wash over me like a wave in the ocean. Oh and lots of wine (not really but it sounds good right?)!
How did things change for you as a new mumma/dadda?